Seeing his shares plummet on a black morning during the recession, the boss called to his secretary, “Get my broker, Miss Wilks!”

”Certainly, sir. Stock or pawn?”

Two dog owners were boasting about the intelligence of their pets.

“The smartest dog I ever had,” said one, “was an amazing Afghan hound that could play cards. He was amazing at poker, he could beat anyone, even professionals. But I had to have him put down.”

“You had him put to sleep?” said the other. “You must be crazy. A bright dog like that could be worth a million dollars.”

“I had no choice. I caught him using marked cards.”

Little Johnny came home from school with a sofa slung across his back I'm and armchairs under his arms.

His father said, ”Little Johnny, I told you not to accept suites from strangers.”

Everyone knows I’m a stickler for good spelling. So when an associate e-mailed technical documents asking me to “decifer” them, I had to set him straight.

“Decipher is spelled with a ph, not an f,” I wrote. “In case you’ve forgotten, spell-checker comes free with your Microsoft program.”

A minute later came his reply, “Must be dephective.”