A father was very proud when his son went off to college. He came to tour the school on Parents’ Day, and observed his son hard at work in the chemistry lab.

“What are you working on, son?"

“A universal solvent,” explained his son. “A solvent that’ll dissolve anything."

His father whistled, clearly impressed, then wondered aloud, “What will you keep it in?”

Wife: Whatcha doing?

Me: Nothing.

Wife: You did that yesterday.

Me: I wasn't finished.

An elderly lady was stopped to pull into a parking space when a young man in his new red Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she was waiting for.

The little old lady was so upset that she went up to the man and said, ''I was going to park there!''

The man was a real smart aleck and he said, ''That's what you can do when you're young and quick.”

Well this really upset the lady even more, so she got in her car and backed it up and then she stomped on the gas and plowed right into his Mercedes.

The young man ran back to his car and asked, ''What did you do that for?''

The little old lady smiled and told him, ''That's what you can do when you're old and rich!''

Donald: I’d like to tell you a joke about the measles, but I’d better not.

Mike: Why not?

Donald: You know how those things spread.