Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director's office.

"What is the meaning of this?" the director asked. ''When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you've ever held.''

''Well, "the young man replied, "in your job posting you said you wanted somebody with imagination.”

There is a man who goes out drinking all the time and comes home very later every night. So one night his wife decides to teach him a lesson.

She dresses up like Satan, and decides to hide in the dark, and scare him when he gets home. The man comes home and his wife jumps out and screams in his face.

He just looks at her and says, “You don't scare me. I am married to your sister!”

I just got my boyfriend a 'get better soon' card.

He isn't sick, I just think he can get better.

Teacher asks the children to discuss what their Dad's do for a living.

Little Mary says: ''My Dad is a lawyer. He puts the bad guys in jail.”

Little Jack says: ''My Dad is a doctor. He makes all the sick people better.”

All the kids in the class had their turn except Little Johnny.

Teacher says: ''Little Johnny, what does your Dad do?''

Little Johnny says: ''My Dad is dead.''

''I'm sorry to hear that, but what did he do before he died?''

''He turned blue and fell on the carpet.''