The dead batteries were given out... free of charge!

Dick: Great News! Teacher said we would have a test rain or shine.

Jane: What’s so great about that?

Dick: It’s snowing.

Bobby: What is the difference between a lemon, an elephant, and a bag of cement?

Ray: I give up, what's the difference?

Bobby: You can squeeze a lemon, but you can't squeeze an elephant.

Ray: What about the bag of cement?

Bobby: I just threw that in to make it hard.

Mother: I think our son is going to be an astronaut.

Father: What makes you think that?

Mother: I spoke to his teacher today. She said he is taking up space.