Patient: Doctor, I'm thinking that I may be losing my hearing.

Doctor: Can you tell me what you know of the symptoms?

Patient: Homer is bald and fat, Marge has blue hair...

Carol: What’s your pet pig’s name?

Alice: Ballpoint.

Carol: Is that his real name?

Alice: No, that’s his pen name.

Man on phone: Hello, young man, could I speak to your mother or father?

Little Johnny: My parents aren’t home.

Man on phone: Could I leave them a message?

Little Johnny: Sorry, we don’t have an answering machine.

My second-grade student came running up to me, whining. “Look what Robert stuck on my back!"

It was a sticky note with the words “Kick me, I’m stupid” written on it.

I took Robert aside and lectured him on how to treat people with kindness and the importance of being polite and encouraging.

A few minute later, I heard, “Look what Robert stuck on my back!”

It was that first little boy, holding another sticky note.

This one said, “Kick me, I’m smart.”