French Chef: How do our French dishes compare with your American ones?

Tourist: They break just as easily.

Ed: How old is your brother?

Ted: He’s a year old.

Ed: Huh! I’ve got a dog a year old and he can walk twice as well as your brother.

Ted: Sure, your dog has twice as many legs.

Joe: Every night I take two quarters to bed with me.

Peter: Whatever for?

Joe: They are my sleeping quarters.

A grandmother sent her grandson a shirt for his birthday. The only trouble was that he had a size 14 neck and the shirt was size 12.

When the grandson sent a thank you note, he wrote, “Dear Grandma. Thanks a lot for the shirt. I’d write more, but I’m all choked up.”