Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living. When they all replied that they were contractors, the guard said, "Hey, we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don't you guys take a look at it and give me a bid?"
So, they all went to the back fence to check it out. The first contractor took out his tape measure, did some measuring and said, "Well, I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."
Next was the second contractor. He also took out his tape measure, did some quick figuring and said, "Looks like I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."
Without so much as moving, the third contractor said, "$2,700."
The guard, incredulous, looked at him and said, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"
"Easy," he said. "$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you and we hire the guy doing it for $700."
A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small, deserted island one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it.
Rushing to the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands pulled out the message.
"Due to lack of maintenance," he read, "we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account."
A guy is walking down the street with his friend. He says to his friend, "I'm a walking economy."
His friend replies, "How's that?"
"It's like this, my hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and the combination of these factors is putting me into a deep depression."
While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign...
Energy efficient vehicle.
Runs on oats and grass.
Caution: Do not step in exhaust.