Husband: You will never succeed, in making that dog obey you.

Wife: Nonsense! it's only a matter of patience, remember I had a lot of trouble with you at first as well...

On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist. The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten great grandchildren in Boston.

Then she inquired what I did for a living. I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free professional advice.

Instead she sat back and said, "If there's anything you want to know, just ask me."

A flight attendant for a major airline, watched one day as a passenger overloaded with bags tried to stuff his belongings in the overhead bin of the plane.

Finally, she informed him that he would have to check the over-sized luggage. "When I fly other airlines," he said irritably, "I don't have this problem."

The flight attendant smiled, "When you fly other airlines, I don't have this problem either."

Doctor: Your Liver is enlarged.

Patient: Does that mean it has space for more whisky?