Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. “I’ll go into town for a doctor,” the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the only doctor delivering a baby.

“I can’t leave,” the doctor says. “But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground.”

The guy runs back to his friend, who is in agony. “What did the doctor say?” the victim cries.

“He says you’re gonna die.”

A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights. I showed her our top brand, but—wanting to make sure each bulb worked—she asked me to take them out of the box and plug them in. I did, and each one lit up.

“Great,” she said. I carefully placed the string of lights back in the box. But as I handed them to her, she looked alarmed.

“I don’t want this box,” she said abruptly. “It’s been opened.”

While I was out to lunch, my coworker answered my phone and told the caller that I would be back in 20 minutes.

The woman asked, “Is that 20 minutes Central Standard Time?”

Teeth said to Tongue: "If I press down on you just a little, you will get cut."

Tongue replied: "If I misuse one word, all 32 of you will come out."