Q: Why didn’t the rooster cross the road?

A: Because it was chicken.

The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. Even his son turned up.

“How old are you?” a tenant asked.

“I’m 81 years old,” the son answered.

The tenant shook her head. “They sure grow up fast, don’t they?”

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a sheep walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.

He took the precious book out of the sheep's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"

"Not really," said the sheep. "Your name is written inside the cover." 

When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet...

I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.