What does a pirate say on his 80th birthday?
"Aye, Matey!"
A guy came home to his wife and said, "Guess what? I've found a great job. A 10 a.m. start, 2 p.m. finish, no overtime, no weekends and it pays $600 a week!"
"That's great," his wife said.
"Yeah, I thought so too," he agreed. "You start Monday."
Grandma: "Oh, what nice new boots! Where did you get them?"
Granddaughter: "At the store."
Grandma: "Which one?"
Granddaughter: "Both of them."