Hmmm... I just found a strange piece of plastic on the floor that looks like it broke off of something...

But I have no idea what...

Better save it in the junk drawer until I die.

Little Girl: "Daddy, what do you have to do to become a doctor?"

Daddy: "You have to do well in school, take a lot of math and science, get into an excellent college, then go to med school, and follow that with an internship. Then you can start your own practice. Honey, as smart as you are, you can be anything you want to be."

Little Girl (after some thought): "What do you have to do to be queen?"

Writing my name in cursive...

It's my signature move!

I had a job offer from a large company and they offered to fly me out to the interview on business class.

During the return flight we were given gourmet brownies and cookies. Not hungry, I decided to save them for later, so I placed them in an airsickness courtesy bag.

After the plane landed, I got up to leave and a flight attendant approached me if I wanted her to dispose of the bag.

I said, "No thanks, I'm saving it for my kids."