A girl asked an old bachelor friend whether he had been disappointed in love?

"No, I never was exactly disappointed in love. I was what you might call discouraged. You see, when I was very young I became much enamored with a young lady of my acquaintance. I was mortally afraid to tell her of my feelings, but at last I got the courage to the proposing point. I said 'Let's get married!'"

"And what did she say?

"She said, 'Good Lord, Who'd have us.'"

A man was arraigned for assault and battery and brought before the judge.

Judge: What is your name, occupation, and what are you charged with?

Prisoner: My name is Sparky, I am an electrician and I'm charged with battery.

Judge (after recovering his equilibrium): Officer, put this guy in a dry cell.

Today was a really bad day for me...

FIRST, my ex got run over by a bus.

SECOND, I lost my job as a bus driver.

"How the diet going?"

"Not good, I had eggs for breakfast."

"Scrambled?"

"No, chocolate."