I feel safe sharing secrets with my husband, as I know he will not share them with anyone.

How can I be so sure?

Because he never listens to me.

Little Johnny was being shown the shape of the earth on a globe atlas by his mother. After pointing to all countries with unusual shapes, she asks: "Now Johnny, what shape is the world?"

Johnny, looking very wise and happy, said: "Daddy says it's in terrible shape."

My daughter came home so excited...

She had to parallel park at work and received the following note of praise: PARKING FINE.

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica? Where do they go? Wonder no more. It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.  The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing: "Freeze a jolly good fellow... Freeze a jolly good fellow..."