While on vacation in Spain with my wife, I I started to feel funny. I had some pain in my chest and felt short of breath. I chalked it up to the long day we had just had, but I continued to feel worse. As we got out of the taxi and walked into the hotel, I collapsed.

It became apparent to my wife and I that I was having a heart attack. I thought for sure I would die because the nearest hospital was 1/2 hour away. Suddenly from the back room came a woman wielding defibrillators. She shouted to the other staff to help and they ripped off my shirt and restarted my heart right there in the hotel.

The ambulance arrived 20 minutes later, but thanks to this amazing woman my life had been saved. I spent the night in the hospital but I got out around noon the next day. I went back to the hotel to thank this woman.

I said, “I’m amazed that a hotel this small has a full time doctor as skilled as yourself!”

She replied, “No one expects the Spanish Inn physician.”

How to survive the coldest winter days:

1) Get dressed

2) Walk outside

3) Turn around

4) Return to inside

5) GET BACK IN BED!

"Jake," said his employer, "you've done a lot of good things since you've been here. I'm going to increase your pay five dollars a week."

"Thanks boss," replied Jake. "Would you mind putting that in writing?"

"Why? Don't you trust me?"

"I trust you boss," replied Jake. "It's my wife. If I say I got a five dollar raise, she will think it's really fifteen. I just need proof."

The pastor of a local church was visited by a man evidently worse for liquor, and a young lady.

She said to the minister, "Please, sir, we've come to be married."

"I can't marry you with this man in this condition," said the clergyman. "Besides haven't you been here twice before, and haven't I told you the same thing?"

Yes, sir, you have," replied the lady. "But when he isn't drunk, I can't get him to come with me, sir."