My little sister broke my lamp...

I won't be able to see her in the same light ever again.

Today I learned that if you flip a canoe over you can wear it as a hat...

Because it's cap-sized!

A duck, a skunk, and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill!

A businessman is walking along the street dragging one foot, and he bumps into another guy also dragging a foot.

"What happened to you?" asked the business man.

"Iraq, 2003. What about you?" asks the other guy.

"Dog poop, two blocks back."