After an enthusiastic recommendation from my wife, I began listening to the audiobook version of Frank McCourt’s 'Teacher Man'.

“I love it, but his writing style is so disjointed,” I complained. “He refers to characters I don’t know and introduces them a half hour later.”

My wife was as confused as I was, but I soldiered on, disoriented by the jumpy story line. It wasn’t until the end of the book that my dilemma was explained—I had set the iPod to Shuffle mode.

A lizard walks into a bar pushing a baby in a stroller.

“What’s your kid’s name?” asks the bartender.

“Tiny,” says the lizard. “Because he’s my-newt.”

During a visit to our friend’s home in Canada, we were welcomed with a wonderful breakfast. But my six-year-old daughter was not impressed.

"Your pancakes are smaller than my mom’s," she told him.

He replied, "That’s because of the exchange rate."

At a restaurant one night, the man at the next table was pulling out all the stops to impress his underwhelmed date.

He crowned a lengthy list of lifetime achievements by stating, “At least I can say I have been a Hollywood movie producer.”

The woman nodded. “I’ll make a note of that: ‘has-been movie producer.'”