My husband and I both work, so our family eats out a lot.

Recently, when we were having a rare home-cooked meal, I handed a glass to my three-year-old and told her to drink her milk.

She looked at me bewildered and replied, "But I didn’t order milk."

A policeman is on scene at a terrible accident - body parts everywhere. He is making his notes of where the pieces are and comes across a head. He writes in his notebook: "Head on bullevard."

He then scratches out his spelling error. "Head on bouelevard." Nope, doesn't look right - scratch scratch.

"Head on boolevard..." dang it! Scratch, scratch.

He looks around and sees that no one is looking at him as he kicks the head. Back to his notepad, he writes, "Head on curb."

I met my husband while I was working in a science library. He came in every week to read the latest journals and eventually decided to take out the librarian instead of the books.

After a year and a half of dating, he showed up at the library and started rummaging through my desk. I asked what he was looking for, but he didn’t answer. Finally he unearthed one of the rubber stamps I used to identify reference books.

“Since I couldn’t find the right engagement ring, this will have to do,” he said as he firmly stamped my hand.

Across my knuckles, in capital letters, it read... “NOT FOR CIRCULATION".

As a dentist, I recently tried out a new chocolate-flavored pumice paste on my patients. No one liked it except for a six-year-old boy. While I polished his teeth, he continued to smile and lick his lips. "You must really like this new flavor," I said.

"Yep," he replied, nodding with satisfaction. "It tastes just like the time I dropped my candy bar in the sandbox."