I opened my birthday card and loads of rice fell out.

I knew right away who sent it...

It was my Uncle Ben.

I took my cat’s meds by accident...

Don’t ask meow.

Husband: Honey, I broke a glass in the kitchen.

Wife: I am coming with the broom.

Husband: It’s not urgent. You can come on foot.

The wife and I were going on a holiday vacation, and when we got to the airport I said to her, "I wish I'd brought the television."

She said, "Why, will you get bored?"

I said, "No, the passports are on top of it."