We put our dog on a vegan diet, and she's doing really well...

She's eaten two so far.

I took a stuffed dog to the Antiques Roadshow and was told, "This is extremely rare. Do you know what it would fetch in good condition?"

"Dunno," I said. "A stick?"

A man with authority walks into a bar.

He orders everyone a round.

You know what really makes me throw up?

A dartboard on a ceiling.