A new student at Harvard stopped an upperclassman and asked, "Where's the library at?"

The upperclassman said, "Never end a sentence with a preposition. Cops do it on TV, but it isn't proper, so to speak."

The new student said, "Pardon me. Where's the library at, MORON?"

A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly.

The old-timer says, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out. You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France."

The new man asked, "What happened?"

"One day Riley reported his credit cards missing."

On the eve of our 50th Anniversary I quietly confided to my husband that I was having an affair.

He turned to me and asked, “Are you having it catered?”

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.