When a man steals your wife...

There is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

A grocery store manager chased a shoplifter through dry goods and frozen foods before catching him with a flying tackle in cleaning supplies.

That's when the manager noticed that all of the customers in line at the cash registers were staring.

"Everything's fine, folks," he assured them. "This guy just tried to go through the express lane with more than ten items."

How many telemarketers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they have to do it while you're eating dinner.

I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.

"Why?" my daughter asked.

"Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been. It's dirty and probably has germs," I replied.

At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Mommy, how do you know all this stuff, you are so smart."

I was thinking quickly. "All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy."

We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.

"OH...I get it!" she beamed. "So if you don't pass the test, then you have to be the daddy?"

"Exactly," I replied back, with a big smile on my face.