MAN: Have you finished ironing my silk shirt?

BUTLER: Yes, sir.

MAN: Then please bring it here. I have to get dressed!

BUTLER: Sir, I was ironing and someone knocked on the door. I went to open it and when I came back I could smell something burning....

MAN: Don't tell me you've burnt my shirt!

BUTLER: I... yes, I did.

MAN: Oh, no! Fortunately I have another silk shirt in the cupboard.

BUTLER: I know that, sir. That's why I cut it up and patched up the one I burnt!

Swimming Coach: "Hey! Why are you doing only the backstroke?"

Swimmer: "Because I just ate, sir. I don't want to swim on a full stomach."

What kind of alien makes the best of friends?

The one that is down to Earth.

A housewife answered the door bell to find two beggars outside. "So you're begging in two's now?" she asked.

"No, only for today," one of them replied. "I'm showing my replacement the ropes before going on vacation."