After waiting in the hospital the nurse approached and inquired of the father, "What do you want? A boy or girl?"

The father replied, "A boy!"

The nurse said, "Well this time you got a girl."

"That's okay," said the father, being very reflective. "That was my second choice."

It's the 10th anniversary of Herman Mendelbaum's death and his widow decides to make a pilgrimage to the cemetery to recite a prayer over his grave and place a small stone to show that he is remembered.

She arrives at the cemetery, but it being a while since she had been there, she is confused and cannot find poor Herman's grave site. Finally, she comes across a grounds-keeper who escorts her to a small chapel on the cemetery grounds where the records are kept.

The grounds-keeper, after pouring over large maps and lists, finally turns to the widow and says, "I can find no record of a Herman Mendelbaum buried here. The closest I can find is a Sadie Mendelbaum."

"That's him!" she exclaims. "He always put everything in my name..."

A kind farmer told the forlorn lad whose load of hay had overturned in the road, to forget his troubles and come in and have dinner with his family. "There will be time enough to clean up the load after a good meal."

The boy demurred; said he didn't think his father would like it. But the farmer persisted and won. After the meal the boy said he felt better and expressed his appreciation for the hospitality. At the same time, he was sure his father would not be happy.

"Nonsense!" said the host. "By the way," he added, "Where is your father?"

"Under the hay," was the response.

An infectious disease walks into a bar.

The bartender says, “We don’t serve infectious diseases here.”

The infectious disease says, “Well, you’re not a very good host.”