How was Rome split in two?

With a pair of Ceasars.

Rita: Did your family move a lot when you were younger?

Greta: They did. But I always found them!

A woman was shopping for something to wear to her 50th high school reunion when a group of teenage girls came into the same shop to try on dresses for their school formal.

“Gross,” complained one girl loudly to her friends, “this dress makes me look 40 years old!”

“May I have it?” called out the lady. “That’s just what I’m looking for!”

Why didn’t the sun go to college?

Because it already had a million degrees!