Judge: "Why did you steal from the same shop twice?"

Thief: "Because the shop had a board that said, 'Thank you, come again!'"

Father: What you want to be in your life?

Son: A Doctor.

Father: What skills do you have of a doctor?

Son: Doctor's handwriting.

Why did the farmer plough his field with a steam roller?

Because he wanted to grow mashed potatoes.

Homeowner: "Why don't you ever mop the floor?"

Cleaning Lady: "I'm sorry ma'am, but it's beneath me."