A bloke on a tractor has just driven past me shouting, “The end of the world is tonight!”

I'm not positive, but I think it was Farmer Geddon.

My girlfriend isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday.

Not sure how I did that...

I didn't even know it was her birthday!

Mrs. Cole, the science teacher, took her students out of school for a social experiment. They arrived at a farmhouse and she placed two buckets in front of a donkey – one filled with water and the other with alcohol.

The donkey drank all the water while leaving the alcohol untouched.

Mrs. Cole asked the students, “What did you learn from this experiment?”

One boy replied, “One who does not drink alcohol is a donkey!”