When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a school teacher.

The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a school teacher to appear before this court," he smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not pass through a red light' five hundred times!"

When your age and waist line intersect...

That's a sign you have reached the first stage of old age!

My friend was telling me the other day that his wife's intuition is so highly developed that she knows he's wrong before he says anything.

Why did little Johnny put his teddy in the freezer?

He wanted a Polar Bear.