The zoo keeper found a new employee standing uneasy next to the lion's cage.

Zoo keeper: "Didn't I tell you that when the lion is wagging his tail, he was friendly?"

Employee: "He was wagging his tail and roaring at the same time."

Zoo keeper: "So, what's that got to do with it?"

Employee: "Well, I don't know which end to trust."

1st Person: "Do you know anything about this fax-machine?" 

2nd Person: "A little. Whats wrong?" 

1st Person: "Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say all she received was a cover-sheet and a blank page. I tried it again, and the same thing happened." 

2nd Person: "How did you load the sheet?"

1st Person: "Its a pretty sensitive memo, and I didn't want anyone else to read it by accident, so I folded it so only the recipient could open it and read it."

A trusted aid was counseling the senator, "Some of your constituents are beginning to disagree with you."

The senator replied, "Keep tabs on them. When enough disagree with me to constitute a reliable majority, I'll turn around and agree with them."

A lawyer's dog is having a great time running around the neighborhood unleashed — it heads directly to the butcher shop and pilfers a roast. 

The butcher heads over to the lawyer's office and asks, "If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?"

The lawyer replies, "Absolutely," and the butcher informs him that he owes him $18.50 because his unleashed dog just stole a roast from his shop. Speechless, the lawyer, goes on to write the butcher a check for the damages. 

A few days later, the butcher checks his mailbox and discovers an envelope from the lawyer. Inside the envelope is an invoice that read: "$75 due for a consultation."