An atom loses an electron…

It says, “Man, I really gotta keep an ion them!”

Imagine my surprise when I went to Tipler Army Medical Center for a heart bypass operation and discovered my surgeon's name was Dr. Eror.

"What a name for a doctor," I said, not sure whether to laugh or cry.

"Yeah," he agreed. "You can imagine the reaction I got when I was a major."

How much money does a pirate pay for corn?

A buccaneer...

My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with wearing different clothes every half an hour.

I said, “Wait, I can change!”