"I want to divorce my wife."

"On what grounds?"

"She is out all night, every night, going from bar to bar."

"Are you saying she's an alcoholic or do you think she's cheating?"

"No, she is looking for me."

An alcoholic wakes up in jail. He asks the first police officer he sees, "Why am I here?"

"For drinking," replies the officer.

"Great," says the man, "when do we start?"