Wife: Darling, it was such a hard day. Would you tell me the three magical words that always make me so happy?

Husband: You are right.

Wife: Very funny, no, the other ones.

Husband: I was wrong.

Son: I watched a guy do 50 push-ups in a row. Can you do that, Dad?

Dad: Of course, son. Heck, I could probably watch someone do 100 push ups.

I received another letter from some lawyer yesterday.

It had “Final Notice” written on the envelope.

Good.

They won’t be bothering me anymore.

Nutritionist: You should eat 1200 calories a day.

Me: OK, and how many at night?