She's making a list...

She's checking it twice...

She's gonna find out....

How good her memory is, since she got to the store and realized she left it at home... again!

Teacher: Why are you late?

Little Johnny: There was an old man that lost a hundred dollar bill.

Teacher: Were you helping him search for it? How nice of you.

Little Johnny: Actually I was sitting on it, waiting for him to give up searching and leave.

I took my bicycle to the liquor store the other day. I got a bottle of vodka and put it in the bike's basket.

As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell the bottle would break. So, I drank all the vodka and then headed home.

It turned out to be a really good decision, because I fell nine times on my way home.

"Have you got anything to drink?"

“Water.”

"I meant something harder?"

“Ice.”