The boss says, "This is the third time you've been late for work this week. Do you know what that means?"

The employee replies, "That it's only Wednesday?"

He didn't like the casserole, and he didn't like my cake.
He said my biscuits were too hard,
Not like his mother used to make.
I didn't make the coffee right,
He didn't like my stew,
I didn't fold his pants,
The way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer, I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and smacked him,
Just like his mother used to do.

Two prison guards are changing shifts in the morning.

“You know that a prisoner ran off in the night?”

The other guard sighs, “Ah finally, no more of that dang hammering!”

If I got 50 cents for every math exam I failed...

I’d have $6.30 right now!