Yesterday I went to a temporary tattoo parlor to get a tattoo.

After it wouldn’t wash off this morning I went back to complain, but the tattoo parlor wasn’t there.

Father: "Hold your horses, son."

5-year-old: "I don't have any horses."

Father: "It means calm down."

5-year-old: "I can't, my horses are gone."

Do you know why baby diapers have brand names like Luvs, Huggies and Pampers while undergarments for old people are called Depends?

Well, here is the reason...

When babies soil their pants, people are still going to Luv"em, Hug'em, and Pamper'em.

When old people soil their pants, it Depends on who's in the will!

"Darling, I just called to tell you how awesome you are. You really are the love of my life…"

"Sir, I’m sorry, this is a brewery!"

"Oh, I know…"