Mary Jones was debating on the best means of dropping her current flame.

Her friend ask: "Are you worried because you think he'll tell lies about you?"

Mary answered: "I don't mind the lies, but if he ever tells the truth I will break his neck!"

After a particularly poor round, a golfer spotted a lake as he walked despondently up the 18th.

He looked at his caddie and said, “I’ve played so badly all day, I think I’m going to drown myself in that lake.”

The caddie, quick as a flash, replied, “I’m not sure you could keep your head down that long.”

"What would be the first thing you'd do if you had hydrophobia?" one resident doctor ask another.

"I'd ask for a pencil and paper," replied the other doctor.

"To make your last will?"

"No, to make a list of the people I want to bite."

Three seniors are out for a stroll.

One of them remarks, “It’s windy.”

Another replies, “No way. It’s Thursday.”

The last one says, “Me too. Let’s have a soda.”