My wife has weekly lessons with Satan on how to be more evil...

I can vouch that what ever she charges him is well worth it!

Two friends met on the street after not having seen each other for some time, One of them was on crutches.

"Hello!" said the other man. "Why are you on crutches?"

"Car accident," said the man on crutches.

"When did that happen?"

"Oh, about six weeks ago."

"And you still have to be on crutches?"

"Well, my doctor says I could get along without them. My lawyer says I can't."

Why didn't The Terminator upgrade to WINDOWS 10?

I asked him and his reply was, "I still love VISTA baby!"

People are so amazing... if you tell a person that there are 270,678,934,341 stars in the universe, they'll believe you.

However if you put up a sign that says "FRESH PAINT"... that same person has to make a personal investigation!