Because of a minor infraction, a sailor aboard Navy ship bound for Japan, was busted one rank, fined, and given extra duty for three weeks. Looking forward to celebrating his 21st birthday on July 22, he consoled himself every night during his extra duty by reciting, "They can bust me, they can fine me -- but they can't take away my birthday."

As July 22 approached, his excitement increased. When he went to bed on July 21, he happily repeated, "They can bust me, they can fine me -- but they can't take away my birthday."

The next morning, he found out that the ship had crossed the international date line -- and it was July 23.

Man wakes up and says nothing. Wife annoyed shouts, “You’ve forgotten what day it is haven’t you!”

Man goes to work and confides to a colleague, “I think I forgot my wife’s birthday.”

“Not a problem,” the colleague replies, "just go out and buy her a beautiful new dress and a pearl necklace.”

After work the man races home and showers his wife with gifts.

“Oh darling,” she replies, “what a beautiful new outfit to pick my mother up from the airport in!”

The fisherman got such a reputation for stretching the truth that he bought a pair of scales and insisted on weighing every fish he caught, in the presence of witnesses.

One day a doctor borrowed the fisherman's scales to weigh a new born baby.

The baby weighed 40 pounds.

Ms. Warner: "Well, how are you getting on in your new eight room house?"

Ms. Kyle: "Oh, not so badly. We furnished one of the bedrooms by collecting soap coupons."

Ms. Warner: "Didn't you furnished the other seven rooms?"

Ms. Kyle: "We can't. They are full of the soap."