The Priest was shaking hands after his sermon, My grandma said, "Reverend that was the longest sermon I've ever listened to, it was boring as well."

The Priest was surprised and I wanted to mend fences so I told him, "Father, pay no attention to her, she only repeats what she hears other people saying."

"Look at this mess!" roared an angry customer at a local cafe, pointing to his squashed doughnut.

"It's just as you ordered it, sir," the waitress replied meekly.

"What do you mean?" barked the customer.

"You told me to bring you coffee and a doughnut and step on it."

My daughter was working for the American Embassy in Australia when she was expecting her first child. I was so happy when she texted me with the news.

"I'm a grandfather!" I said to my coworkers.

"When was she born?" somebody queried.

Recalling the date she told me, I thought for a minute and said in a calm voice, "Tomorrow!"

At their high school reunion, Sarah and Esther meet up for the first time in fifty years.

Sarah begins to tell Esther about her children: "My son is a doctor and he's got four kids. My daughter is married to a lawyer and they have three great kids. So tell me Esther, how about your kids?"

Esther replies, "Unfortunately, Morty and I don't have any children and so we have no grandchildren either."

Sarah says, "No children and no grandchildren... so tell me, Esther, what do you do for aggravation?"