Son: “Dad, I want to be in politics when I grow up.”

Dad: “Are you insane? Have you completely lost your mind? Are you a moron?”

Son: “Forget it, there seem to be too many requirements.”

I gorged on 14 cans of alphabet soup yesterday.

Ended up having a crippling vowel movement!

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order.

I then picked the movie and pizza because I'm the one with the money.

I’m really excited for the amateur autopsy club I just joined...

Wednesday is open Mike night!