I renewed my car insurance over the phone today, and as I was about to hang up the woman on the other end asked if I had a pet.

I said, "Yes, I’ve got a dog."

She asked, "Would you like to insure him too?"

I said, "No thanks, he can't drive!"

I asked my phone, "Siri, why am I so bad with women?"

She said, "I'm Alexa you moron."

If you rearrange the letters of MAILMEN...

They get really upset.

A man arrives at a costume party with a girl on his back.

“I am a turtle,” he says.

“Who’s on your back?”

“That’s Michelle.”