T-shirt is actually short for tyrannosaurus shirt.

It’s because of the small arms.

My girlfriend just broke up with me for being too un-American...

But honestly, I saw it coming from a kilometer away.

My wife gave me an ultimatum.

It was her or my addiction to sweets.

The decision was a piece of cake.

My wife and I just celebrated her 32nd birthday yesterday.

It was the fastest birthday party we’ve ever had.