I have a chicken proof lawn...

It's impeckable!

George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Matthew McConaughey get together to make a movie.

Clooney says, “I’ll direct.”

DiCaprio says, “I’ll act.”

McConaughey says, “I’ll write, I’ll write, I’ll write.”

At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”

He said, “Sorry, no time.”

My niece calls me Ankles...

I call her my Knees.