A bartender broke up with her boyfriend...

But he kept asking her for another shot.

My wife won’t let me get a tattoo of a grizzly bear on each bicep...

She is infringing on my right to bear arms!

A cheetah and a lion are racing...

The cheetah wins...

The lion says, "You a cheetah!"

The cheetah replies, "Nah, you a lion!"

I started a new job as a security guard last night.

Before my boss left he told me I had to make sure I watched the office all night.

I am on season 2 already but I don't know what it has to do with security.