A wizard asked me to proof read one of his scrolls last week...

Actually it was more of a Spell Check.

My boss calls me "the computer"...

Nothing to do with intelligence, I go to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes.

“Your underwear is much too tight and very revealing,” I said to my wife.

She said, “Wear your own then.”

A small boy was at the zoo with his father. They were looking at the tigers, and his father was telling him how ferocious they were.

“Daddy, if the tigers got out and ate you up…”

“Yes, son?” the father asked, ready to console him.

“…Which bus would I take home?”