What did the scientist say when he found two helium atoms?

"He-He!"

A limbo champion walked into a bar...

He was disqualified.

I phoned my work this morning and said, “Sorry boss, I can’t come in today, I have a wee cough.”

He said, “You have a wee cough?”

I said, “Really? Thanks boss, I could use a week off!"

My wife kicked me out of the house because my Arnold Schwarzenegger impression was really bad.

But don’t worry...

I’ll return!