It's so cold in Alaska that:

... someone stabbed himself with an icicle and died of cold cuts!

... babies are brought by penguins, not by storks!

"Wise men are always in doubt. Only idiots are sure of their case."

"Are you sure of that?"

"Yes, absolutely."

"Do you smoke?"

"No."

"Do you drink?"

"No."

"Do you eat hay, then?"

"No."

"Man, you're not a fit companion for man or beast."

What is the opposite of stand up comedy?

A Sitcom.