Doctor: "Would you have the money if I said you needed an operation?"

Patient: "Would you say I needed an operation if you thought I didn't have the money?"

"Are you an actress, auntie?"

"No darling, why do you ask?"

"Because Daddy says whenever you come over, we have a scene."

An American who saw the volcano Mount Vesuvius erupt, was told by a native of the town that the United States had nothing to compare with it.

The American simply said, "I should say not. However, Niagara Falls would put that thing out in less than two minutes."

Girlfriend: “Let’s go to Utah!”

Boyfriend: “Why Utah?”

Girlfriend: Because I’m Short and Utah!”