"Mother, how much do people pay per pound for babies?"

"Babies are not sold by the pound, darling."

"Then why do they always weigh them as soon as they are born?"

This homeschooling is not working out... I just heard my child say, "I hope I don’t have the same teacher next year!"

A professor reproved his students for coming late to class. "This is a class in English composition," he remarked with sarcasm, "not an afternoon tea."

At the next meeting, one girl was twenty minutes late. The professor waited until she had taken her seat. Then he remarked bitingly, "How will you have your tea Miss Jones?"

"Without the lemon, please," Miss Jones answered quite gently.

"Mr. Jones," began the timid looking young man, "May I... um... can I... what I mean is, will you...."

"Why yes my boy, you have my blessing," smiled the girl's father.

The young man gasped. "What's that? I have your what?" he asked.

"My blessing to marry my daughter of course," replied Jones. "That's what you mean isn't it, you want to marry her don't you?"

"Why no," said the young man. "I just wanted to know if you could lend me $50.00?"

"Certainly not!" said Jones, sharply. "Why I hardly know you!"