Doctor (complacently): "You cough more easily this morning."

Patient (querulously): "I should, I've been practicing all night."

A small boy in a farming town was leading a donkey passed by an army camp. A couple of soldiers wanted to have some fun with the boy.

"What are you holding on to your brother so tight for?"

"So he won't join the army," the youngster replied with blinking an eye.

Him: "Your little brother just saw me kiss you. What can I give him to keep him from telling your parents?

Her: "He generally gets 5 dollars."

Why did James Bond have gray hair?

Because he had no time to dye.